Dear Doctor, go fuck yourself.

Not to any particular physician, or to all of them. But definitely a few of them.

I go to a lot of doctors. I'd rather not, but I have to and I try to make the best of it. I schedule appointments for when Bear is in school, and I bring Nono with me. Not the ideal situation, but it is what it is. See, I don't have an endless supply of babysitters and the only people who I would leave Nono with work during the day. There are times when I don't have a choice (like when my eye is being lasered and I can't have Nono in the room with me) and someone has to take a vacation day to watch Nono while I'm in the appointment.

But anyway. I have an endocrinology office I go to. There's the doctor, the P.A., and in another affiliated office is the CDE. Great. This office mostly sees type 2 people. Probably 90%. And they have no idea what to do with me except run my pump, which makes me feel like I'm being violated, ask me a few ridiculous questions (do I have any sores on my feet? Um, I'm pretty sure I would at least make a phone call if that was the case) and set me up with another appointment with the P.A.

I have to say that there are some P.A.s that I have really respected and liked. This one is smart, and nice. But if I'm paying out the ass for my Specialist copay, I'd like to actually see a doctor. And I'd like that doctor to give a damn.

I realize the easy answer- find somewhere else to go. Obviously. But this is supposed to be "the" place to go, and there isn't much else in my immediate area. And with the girls and the hub's work schedule and lack of time off, it is kind of impossible.

This is all I want. I want to go to a doctor's office and I want them to know who I am. If I ask them a question, I'd like for them to either answer it or find out the answer for me. If I call their office, which I don't do often, I'd like someone to call me back. If they tell me someone is going to contact me about CGM, I want someone to contact me. I'm so easy to get ahold of, I'm either at home or have my crackberry with me at all times.

But most of all I want to be treated like a person. I know that sounds crazy. I want to be me, not a disease, not the person taking up the 15 minutes when you want to eat the lunch a pharmaceutical rep brought in. I want my time to be seen as valuable too. I want my concerns to be taken seriously. If I tell you I went from 144 to 39 in twenty minutes and don't understand why, I at least want you to pause in your note-taking. I've read those notes and they never say anything correctly anyway.

I want to find a doctor/medical practice that doesn't suck. My primary used to be terrific until he got too big and now goes in two days a week and has three P.A.s. Bullshit. I haven't seen him in a couple of years.

I'm just venting, and I'm just sick of it.