After a decent start, my attempt to blog got sidetracked. Oops. I'm committed to giving it another try.
What I really want to talk about is diabetes, and how it shapes my life. But first it is important to talk about the other stuff (which, of course, causes the stress that screws up the diabetes). It's all related.
My older daughter has been having some trouble lately. She is doing really well in school, as usual. Her teacher has nothing but nice things to say about her, and she has lots of friends. She plays sports, she does her homework, she helps me at home. But something has been off lately, and I can't really figure out what is going on or how to help her. It's like she is always sad. She is a very, very sensitive kid (some people might call her whiny, but that isn't really true). She can't stand hot water. She hates having her hair brushed because she thinks it hurts. She cries if she thinks I speak to her in a different voice than usual. She was beside herself after school the other day because the substitute teacher told one of her classmates that she needed to stop talking or she would lose five minutes of recess. It had absolutely nothing to do with my daughter, but it still really bothered her. I have tried so hard to talk to her, support her, help her express her emotions...but it isn't working. I called her doctor, but didn't get much help there. It certainly stresses me out. I don't want my 6 year old to feel like all the problems of the world are hers to deal with.
My baby is now 16 months old. I'm not sure how that happened, but she is a complete toddler now. She is into everything, and no cabinet or countertop is safe when she is around. She is also the happiest baby I have ever met. She is delighted to play by herself or with anyone. She is much more physical than her sister, and much more laid back. But she requires a lot of time and patience.
I absolutely adore both of my girls. I do get exhausted.
My husband has been working more and more lately. He is constantly traveling, training people, and being good at what he does. Unfortunately, that makes me have a lot of overtime here at home. I don't get out often enough. I have to deal with the kids by myself. I kind of feel underappreciated. I say that knowing that it is a gift to be able to be at home with the kids, and that he works so hard and so much to support this family. I just miss my husband. I miss adult interaction in general. And yesterday was Mother's Day...I didn't get a card. He printed out something from the computer saying I could go get a massage somewhere and he would pay for it...and that is really nice. I would love a massage. But with his only day off being Sunday, there really isn't anywhere to go. I don't have anyone to watch the kids at any other time. And scheduling it myself kind of takes the pampering out of it.
That's all I have time for right now, but I will be back tomorrow with results from my endo appointment, an update on my eyes, and some thoughts on Metformin.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Dear Doctor, go fuck yourself.
Not to any particular physician, or to all of them. But definitely a few of them.
I go to a lot of doctors. I'd rather not, but I have to and I try to make the best of it. I schedule appointments for when Bear is in school, and I bring Nono with me. Not the ideal situation, but it is what it is. See, I don't have an endless supply of babysitters and the only people who I would leave Nono with work during the day. There are times when I don't have a choice (like when my eye is being lasered and I can't have Nono in the room with me) and someone has to take a vacation day to watch Nono while I'm in the appointment.
But anyway. I have an endocrinology office I go to. There's the doctor, the P.A., and in another affiliated office is the CDE. Great. This office mostly sees type 2 people. Probably 90%. And they have no idea what to do with me except run my pump, which makes me feel like I'm being violated, ask me a few ridiculous questions (do I have any sores on my feet? Um, I'm pretty sure I would at least make a phone call if that was the case) and set me up with another appointment with the P.A.
I have to say that there are some P.A.s that I have really respected and liked. This one is smart, and nice. But if I'm paying out the ass for my Specialist copay, I'd like to actually see a doctor. And I'd like that doctor to give a damn.
I realize the easy answer- find somewhere else to go. Obviously. But this is supposed to be "the" place to go, and there isn't much else in my immediate area. And with the girls and the hub's work schedule and lack of time off, it is kind of impossible.
This is all I want. I want to go to a doctor's office and I want them to know who I am. If I ask them a question, I'd like for them to either answer it or find out the answer for me. If I call their office, which I don't do often, I'd like someone to call me back. If they tell me someone is going to contact me about CGM, I want someone to contact me. I'm so easy to get ahold of, I'm either at home or have my crackberry with me at all times.
But most of all I want to be treated like a person. I know that sounds crazy. I want to be me, not a disease, not the person taking up the 15 minutes when you want to eat the lunch a pharmaceutical rep brought in. I want my time to be seen as valuable too. I want my concerns to be taken seriously. If I tell you I went from 144 to 39 in twenty minutes and don't understand why, I at least want you to pause in your note-taking. I've read those notes and they never say anything correctly anyway.
I want to find a doctor/medical practice that doesn't suck. My primary used to be terrific until he got too big and now goes in two days a week and has three P.A.s. Bullshit. I haven't seen him in a couple of years.
I'm just venting, and I'm just sick of it.
I go to a lot of doctors. I'd rather not, but I have to and I try to make the best of it. I schedule appointments for when Bear is in school, and I bring Nono with me. Not the ideal situation, but it is what it is. See, I don't have an endless supply of babysitters and the only people who I would leave Nono with work during the day. There are times when I don't have a choice (like when my eye is being lasered and I can't have Nono in the room with me) and someone has to take a vacation day to watch Nono while I'm in the appointment.
But anyway. I have an endocrinology office I go to. There's the doctor, the P.A., and in another affiliated office is the CDE. Great. This office mostly sees type 2 people. Probably 90%. And they have no idea what to do with me except run my pump, which makes me feel like I'm being violated, ask me a few ridiculous questions (do I have any sores on my feet? Um, I'm pretty sure I would at least make a phone call if that was the case) and set me up with another appointment with the P.A.
I have to say that there are some P.A.s that I have really respected and liked. This one is smart, and nice. But if I'm paying out the ass for my Specialist copay, I'd like to actually see a doctor. And I'd like that doctor to give a damn.
I realize the easy answer- find somewhere else to go. Obviously. But this is supposed to be "the" place to go, and there isn't much else in my immediate area. And with the girls and the hub's work schedule and lack of time off, it is kind of impossible.
This is all I want. I want to go to a doctor's office and I want them to know who I am. If I ask them a question, I'd like for them to either answer it or find out the answer for me. If I call their office, which I don't do often, I'd like someone to call me back. If they tell me someone is going to contact me about CGM, I want someone to contact me. I'm so easy to get ahold of, I'm either at home or have my crackberry with me at all times.
But most of all I want to be treated like a person. I know that sounds crazy. I want to be me, not a disease, not the person taking up the 15 minutes when you want to eat the lunch a pharmaceutical rep brought in. I want my time to be seen as valuable too. I want my concerns to be taken seriously. If I tell you I went from 144 to 39 in twenty minutes and don't understand why, I at least want you to pause in your note-taking. I've read those notes and they never say anything correctly anyway.
I want to find a doctor/medical practice that doesn't suck. My primary used to be terrific until he got too big and now goes in two days a week and has three P.A.s. Bullshit. I haven't seen him in a couple of years.
I'm just venting, and I'm just sick of it.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Good news
Everything went well yesterday. C took the whole day off, so I went to Walmart all by myself in the morning to get Bear a little gift. Then it was off to the retina doc with a tired Nono, but she was very good. The visit was quick for there- just over an hour. I got 442 lasers in my right eye. It hurt like hell. I took tylenol before going, but it still hurt. Like, crying in the chair hurt. But the doctor said everything was going well and I got through it.
Then we came home for a few minutes and C put Nono in her crib for a long overdue nap. She never went to sleep, but I rested on the couch while he went to pick Bear up from school. When they got home, it was time to go to the hospital for my kidney ultrasound. I had asked C to just drop me off and take the girls somewhere because I thought it might take forever. But it didn't. I was in and out in under 15 minutes. When they came back to get me, Bear handed me a Get Well card. It was sweet.
I love my family.
C played with the girls after we got home so I could spend some time resting my aching eye. It was so nice to hear them all laughing and having fun down the hall. It was exactly what I needed. I'm a lucky girl.
Then we came home for a few minutes and C put Nono in her crib for a long overdue nap. She never went to sleep, but I rested on the couch while he went to pick Bear up from school. When they got home, it was time to go to the hospital for my kidney ultrasound. I had asked C to just drop me off and take the girls somewhere because I thought it might take forever. But it didn't. I was in and out in under 15 minutes. When they came back to get me, Bear handed me a Get Well card. It was sweet.
I love my family.
C played with the girls after we got home so I could spend some time resting my aching eye. It was so nice to hear them all laughing and having fun down the hall. It was exactly what I needed. I'm a lucky girl.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Low
My blood sugar, and my mood.
Bear has to go to DB's on Wednesday nights. She doesn't like to go. At all. I don't know what goes on there, but from what she tells me he fights with his girlfriend all the time. The GF isn't nice to Bear. I know, I know, not all stepmothers (or father's girlfriends, whatever) are evil. But she makes my baby upset and that hurts my heart. My Bear is a wonderful little girl. She is sometimes more of an adult than a child. For three years, it was just her and me. Then we met C and our lives changed. We got married, bought a house, and had Nono. Before he came into our lives, Bear and I had it hard. I had to work all the time to pay the bills. She went to daycare. Sometimes my mom would have to pick her up from daycare so I could work late. Sometimes I didn't have health insurance. Sometimes I didn't have insulin, or food. Bear always had what she needed but not many extras. I think that's why she doesn't care a whole lot about playing with toys. She would rather have time with people she loves. And her original father decided, after C came into our lives, that he was a better parent than I was and that he wanted to try to get custody of her. Well, it didn't work. Thank God, thank Dave Matthews (a godlike figure to me), thank my lucky stars, thank the court system for not taking my baby girl. Because I could not go on without her, I couldn't do it. But they gave him some overnights. And it's tough on Bear. But he's not the kind of person you can have a conversation with, and I've tried. It's his way, that's all.
So after school today, we did Bear's homework and played. Then I had to give Nono her dinner early so we could deliver Bear on time. I checked my blood sugar before we left, and it was 80. I'm a little slow, obviously, because the right thing to do would have been to eat something so I didn't end up low. But there were kids to be bundled up and loaded into the car because if I'm two minutes late I'll hear about it. So I get my Bear calmed down and dropped off, and Nono is screaming in the back seat because she hates the car, especially without her sister keeping her company and picking up the toy she throws and then cries because she doesn't have it. And I realize my 80 is no longer so terrific and has fallen. Awesome.
See, I didn't have anything with me to eat or drink that would fix it. So...we made it home slowly and carefully. But it sucked. I tried to call C to whine a little about my day- period, sad Bear, unhappy Nono, low blood sugar, not looking forward to tomorrow's appointments...but he didn't answer. He is working until 8 tonight, from 8 this morning. And it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me, I don't think. He's just busy at work. I just sometimes feel like I get the shaft in the deal. His boss gets him all the time and I get an hour or so at night if I can stay awake. I never get to go anywhere without kids, ever. On C's one day off he's content to be home doing projects or watching football and I don't blame him. Since Nono was born, we went out to dinner once (in April). I went to the grocery store once by myself. And I went to a party in Bear's classroom for an hour while my grandmother watched Nono. But that's it. There's no support. C's parents live far away. My parents are another story.
So I'm kind of sad. I do have one good friend who usually talks me through stuff like this but her son's birthday is tomorrow and I know how stressful that gets so I'm not going to bother her tonight. Plus I feel like it is about time to find a way to deal by myself. I'm very, very lucky in a lot of ways. I have a pain in the ass disease to deal with, but I'm lucky to be able to deal with it. I have two healthy, happy, beautiful girls. I'm still as in love with my husband as I was when we first started dating. But I miss him. I'm lucky he has a job and wants to provide for us. I know all this, but I'm still on the whiny side. And I'm just sad.
Bear has to go to DB's on Wednesday nights. She doesn't like to go. At all. I don't know what goes on there, but from what she tells me he fights with his girlfriend all the time. The GF isn't nice to Bear. I know, I know, not all stepmothers (or father's girlfriends, whatever) are evil. But she makes my baby upset and that hurts my heart. My Bear is a wonderful little girl. She is sometimes more of an adult than a child. For three years, it was just her and me. Then we met C and our lives changed. We got married, bought a house, and had Nono. Before he came into our lives, Bear and I had it hard. I had to work all the time to pay the bills. She went to daycare. Sometimes my mom would have to pick her up from daycare so I could work late. Sometimes I didn't have health insurance. Sometimes I didn't have insulin, or food. Bear always had what she needed but not many extras. I think that's why she doesn't care a whole lot about playing with toys. She would rather have time with people she loves. And her original father decided, after C came into our lives, that he was a better parent than I was and that he wanted to try to get custody of her. Well, it didn't work. Thank God, thank Dave Matthews (a godlike figure to me), thank my lucky stars, thank the court system for not taking my baby girl. Because I could not go on without her, I couldn't do it. But they gave him some overnights. And it's tough on Bear. But he's not the kind of person you can have a conversation with, and I've tried. It's his way, that's all.
So after school today, we did Bear's homework and played. Then I had to give Nono her dinner early so we could deliver Bear on time. I checked my blood sugar before we left, and it was 80. I'm a little slow, obviously, because the right thing to do would have been to eat something so I didn't end up low. But there were kids to be bundled up and loaded into the car because if I'm two minutes late I'll hear about it. So I get my Bear calmed down and dropped off, and Nono is screaming in the back seat because she hates the car, especially without her sister keeping her company and picking up the toy she throws and then cries because she doesn't have it. And I realize my 80 is no longer so terrific and has fallen. Awesome.
See, I didn't have anything with me to eat or drink that would fix it. So...we made it home slowly and carefully. But it sucked. I tried to call C to whine a little about my day- period, sad Bear, unhappy Nono, low blood sugar, not looking forward to tomorrow's appointments...but he didn't answer. He is working until 8 tonight, from 8 this morning. And it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me, I don't think. He's just busy at work. I just sometimes feel like I get the shaft in the deal. His boss gets him all the time and I get an hour or so at night if I can stay awake. I never get to go anywhere without kids, ever. On C's one day off he's content to be home doing projects or watching football and I don't blame him. Since Nono was born, we went out to dinner once (in April). I went to the grocery store once by myself. And I went to a party in Bear's classroom for an hour while my grandmother watched Nono. But that's it. There's no support. C's parents live far away. My parents are another story.
So I'm kind of sad. I do have one good friend who usually talks me through stuff like this but her son's birthday is tomorrow and I know how stressful that gets so I'm not going to bother her tonight. Plus I feel like it is about time to find a way to deal by myself. I'm very, very lucky in a lot of ways. I have a pain in the ass disease to deal with, but I'm lucky to be able to deal with it. I have two healthy, happy, beautiful girls. I'm still as in love with my husband as I was when we first started dating. But I miss him. I'm lucky he has a job and wants to provide for us. I know all this, but I'm still on the whiny side. And I'm just sad.
Tummies and stuff
Bear has had a tummy bug for the last few days. She stayed home from school on Monday, but yesterday she went back. This morning, she said her tummy hurt, but she's a difficult one to read. It could (possibly) mean she felt sick, but could also mean she didn't want to go to school. See, she's a bit like a little old lady. She has no tolerance for pain. This applies to having her hair brushed, walking into the table, and life in general. So I gave her some Pepto and hoped for the best. Then she gagged on it and puked on my pillow. It was a very tiny amount of vomit. I cleaned it up, C made her some toast, and I brought her to school.
I don't feel great about this. She didn't have a fever and said she felt like she could go because today is the day she gets to put the last stamp on her chart. I have no idea what that means, but she was excited. And Nono didn't have the best of nights last night. Nono is usually great at sleeping. Ever since C convinced me that she would be fine in her own crib instead of in the Pack N Play about fifteen inches from my side of the bed, Nono has slept (or at least kept quiet) through most nights. In order to let her move into her own room, I told C we needed a video monitor. Our bedroom is upstairs, and Nono's is downstairs. So when we went to bed last night and turned on the monitor, I was surprised to see Nono sitting up with her thumb in her mouth. She was talking, but I think she was still asleep. She would stick her hands and feet through the bars on the crib sometimes. Then she would pretend to be sleeping. I don't think she actually slept for the rest of the night except for a couple of mini-naps. I didn't sleep too much either.
Yesterday was Nono's 11 month birthday, and I got a present. My period. Awesome. It is back for the first time since before I was pregnant (so I think my last one was in April of 2009). And it's a doozy. I should be happy that it stayed away for so long, but I'm just mad that it came back. Usually this causes my blood sugar (or my "number," as Bear calls it) to be all over the place, but so far it hasn't. I just checked it after taking a nap this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see 90. I thought it was going to be 200, because I feel stupid today. When I feel stupid, I'm usually high. Not like that, my number.
Tomorrow is a full day of medical crap. I have what is about my eighty millionth laser treatment on my right eye. Sometimes it hurts, and other times it isn't bad. I'm hoping for a not bad. Then later I'm supposed to be going for a kidney ultrasound. I don't know why, exactly. I went to a nephrologist the other day, just for fun (or because of the tons of protein I have been peeing out since Nono's immaculate conception) and although he told me I'm going to live forever if my kidneys don't get any worse, he still wants me to have the ultrasound. I'm hoping to hear that both of my kidneys are pregnant, and that in however many months they take to gestate I will have two new baby kidneys. Yeah, I now. Ultrasound humor? Hey, whatever works.
I don't think any of my many doctors realize what it takes to get me to an appointment. For my eye stuff, someone needs to take a day off to bring me. Either my mom or C has to use their time off to drive me to the guy who torches my eyes. They have to watch Nono while the torture is being done. Then if it's an afternoon appointment, someone has to be on call to pick Bear up from school in case we have to wait 12 hours at the doctor's office. We usually do. And then everyone has to put up with me as I whine about the fact that I can't see shit, and that my head hurts.
So tomorrow, C is taking the day off to watch Nono in the waiting room while I get lasered. And my grandmother will be on call to pick Bear up if need be. Then they will drop me off at the hospital for the kidneysound which will probably take forever and show nothing.
I'm sorry that sounds negative, I really am...it's just frustrating.
I don't feel great about this. She didn't have a fever and said she felt like she could go because today is the day she gets to put the last stamp on her chart. I have no idea what that means, but she was excited. And Nono didn't have the best of nights last night. Nono is usually great at sleeping. Ever since C convinced me that she would be fine in her own crib instead of in the Pack N Play about fifteen inches from my side of the bed, Nono has slept (or at least kept quiet) through most nights. In order to let her move into her own room, I told C we needed a video monitor. Our bedroom is upstairs, and Nono's is downstairs. So when we went to bed last night and turned on the monitor, I was surprised to see Nono sitting up with her thumb in her mouth. She was talking, but I think she was still asleep. She would stick her hands and feet through the bars on the crib sometimes. Then she would pretend to be sleeping. I don't think she actually slept for the rest of the night except for a couple of mini-naps. I didn't sleep too much either.
Yesterday was Nono's 11 month birthday, and I got a present. My period. Awesome. It is back for the first time since before I was pregnant (so I think my last one was in April of 2009). And it's a doozy. I should be happy that it stayed away for so long, but I'm just mad that it came back. Usually this causes my blood sugar (or my "number," as Bear calls it) to be all over the place, but so far it hasn't. I just checked it after taking a nap this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see 90. I thought it was going to be 200, because I feel stupid today. When I feel stupid, I'm usually high. Not like that, my number.
Tomorrow is a full day of medical crap. I have what is about my eighty millionth laser treatment on my right eye. Sometimes it hurts, and other times it isn't bad. I'm hoping for a not bad. Then later I'm supposed to be going for a kidney ultrasound. I don't know why, exactly. I went to a nephrologist the other day, just for fun (or because of the tons of protein I have been peeing out since Nono's immaculate conception) and although he told me I'm going to live forever if my kidneys don't get any worse, he still wants me to have the ultrasound. I'm hoping to hear that both of my kidneys are pregnant, and that in however many months they take to gestate I will have two new baby kidneys. Yeah, I now. Ultrasound humor? Hey, whatever works.
I don't think any of my many doctors realize what it takes to get me to an appointment. For my eye stuff, someone needs to take a day off to bring me. Either my mom or C has to use their time off to drive me to the guy who torches my eyes. They have to watch Nono while the torture is being done. Then if it's an afternoon appointment, someone has to be on call to pick Bear up from school in case we have to wait 12 hours at the doctor's office. We usually do. And then everyone has to put up with me as I whine about the fact that I can't see shit, and that my head hurts.
So tomorrow, C is taking the day off to watch Nono in the waiting room while I get lasered. And my grandmother will be on call to pick Bear up if need be. Then they will drop me off at the hospital for the kidneysound which will probably take forever and show nothing.
I'm sorry that sounds negative, I really am...it's just frustrating.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Hello, there. Hi. I have to do this.
Thanks for reading, first of all. This is the story of me. It will also be the story of my family, my daily parenting mishaps, my health issues, my happy moments and my frustrations.
I'm Mommy. I used to have another name, another job, and another life altogether. Now, I'm Mommy all the time. I feel like I need to say this- I absolutely adore my girls. But there are lots of times when I'm lonely and wonder if I could hold a conversation with an adult about something other than our kids. I sometimes wonder if my husband sees me as his wife, the woman he chose to be with forever or if he forgot all that crap.
Being Mommy is isolating. My older girl, Bear, is 6. She is a very polite and considerate little girl. Still, she has never voluntarily given up watching iCarly so that Mommy can watch Steve Wilkos. If I don't immediately hug her when I pick her up after school, she says, "What? You're not glad to see me?" Well, darling...sometimes, not so much.
In fact, it is now time to pick her up from school. Nono, my baby (who turns 1 next month), has been asleep for a good 4 minutes. This should be fun. I'll pick up on this train of thought when I have a minute. If.
I tried to get Nono back to sleep when we got home, but that didn't work very well. She decided to crawl around the house for awhile. Bear wanted to drag a doll cradle out of basement obscurity to play with, but at least that will keep her occupied for a bit.
I finished this whole post, then Blogger ate it. Awesome welcome, Blogger. So I'm going to try to remember what I said.
I read a lot of blogs when Nono naps in the morning. I got her very creative nickname from the only thing I seem to say to her lately. I love the sense of community bloggers seem to have, and since I don't have the opportunity for regular adult interaction, I hope to find some. I'm not always politically correct, and I know I'm not always the perfect mom or wife. I just hope to be able to be honest, share experiences, and maybe even help someone.
In addition to Mommy, I am C's wife. C is the most caring, gentle, generous, funny, terrific man I have ever known. He gave up a lot to be with me and I appreciate him for it. He is not Bear's original father, but you would never know it by observing the two of them. He is incredibly laid back. If I were him I'd be a stress case. C works 6 days a week, from before the girlies get up until after they are asleep. I see him for an hour or so most nights. Sometimes Nono wakes up early and he gets to change her diaper before tossing her on a boob. Lucky man.
I also have type 1 diabetes. I've had it for almost 24 years. Although there were some years when I wasn't the perfect patient (college), I've always been pretty good. Still, after 24 years and 2 babies, my body is kind of pissed at me. My kidneys are starting to show some damage, although nothing horrible. The nephrologist suggested an ACE inhibitor, but I'm still breastfeeding Nono and he said a few months won't make much of a difference. After Nono was born, my eyes went weird and I've been having laser treatments for retinopathy. It sucks, but I try not to mind. If it helps me continue to see my family, I can't complain.
My other issue right now is that I'm fat. Not huge, but uncomfortable. After Nono was born, I dropped weight very quickly. Then I had real problems with my milk supply because I wasn't eating. But when I tried to eat again, no matter how healthily, I just got fat. I try to limit my intake of calories and carbs. I currently eat one meal and one snack every day. I need to find some time to exercise, but it's hard. I don't have anyone to watch the girls, and it's now too cold out to walk outside with them.
I guess that's enough for one post. I hope someone reads this!
I'm Mommy. I used to have another name, another job, and another life altogether. Now, I'm Mommy all the time. I feel like I need to say this- I absolutely adore my girls. But there are lots of times when I'm lonely and wonder if I could hold a conversation with an adult about something other than our kids. I sometimes wonder if my husband sees me as his wife, the woman he chose to be with forever or if he forgot all that crap.
Being Mommy is isolating. My older girl, Bear, is 6. She is a very polite and considerate little girl. Still, she has never voluntarily given up watching iCarly so that Mommy can watch Steve Wilkos. If I don't immediately hug her when I pick her up after school, she says, "What? You're not glad to see me?" Well, darling...sometimes, not so much.
In fact, it is now time to pick her up from school. Nono, my baby (who turns 1 next month), has been asleep for a good 4 minutes. This should be fun. I'll pick up on this train of thought when I have a minute. If.
I tried to get Nono back to sleep when we got home, but that didn't work very well. She decided to crawl around the house for awhile. Bear wanted to drag a doll cradle out of basement obscurity to play with, but at least that will keep her occupied for a bit.
I finished this whole post, then Blogger ate it. Awesome welcome, Blogger. So I'm going to try to remember what I said.
I read a lot of blogs when Nono naps in the morning. I got her very creative nickname from the only thing I seem to say to her lately. I love the sense of community bloggers seem to have, and since I don't have the opportunity for regular adult interaction, I hope to find some. I'm not always politically correct, and I know I'm not always the perfect mom or wife. I just hope to be able to be honest, share experiences, and maybe even help someone.
In addition to Mommy, I am C's wife. C is the most caring, gentle, generous, funny, terrific man I have ever known. He gave up a lot to be with me and I appreciate him for it. He is not Bear's original father, but you would never know it by observing the two of them. He is incredibly laid back. If I were him I'd be a stress case. C works 6 days a week, from before the girlies get up until after they are asleep. I see him for an hour or so most nights. Sometimes Nono wakes up early and he gets to change her diaper before tossing her on a boob. Lucky man.
I also have type 1 diabetes. I've had it for almost 24 years. Although there were some years when I wasn't the perfect patient (college), I've always been pretty good. Still, after 24 years and 2 babies, my body is kind of pissed at me. My kidneys are starting to show some damage, although nothing horrible. The nephrologist suggested an ACE inhibitor, but I'm still breastfeeding Nono and he said a few months won't make much of a difference. After Nono was born, my eyes went weird and I've been having laser treatments for retinopathy. It sucks, but I try not to mind. If it helps me continue to see my family, I can't complain.
My other issue right now is that I'm fat. Not huge, but uncomfortable. After Nono was born, I dropped weight very quickly. Then I had real problems with my milk supply because I wasn't eating. But when I tried to eat again, no matter how healthily, I just got fat. I try to limit my intake of calories and carbs. I currently eat one meal and one snack every day. I need to find some time to exercise, but it's hard. I don't have anyone to watch the girls, and it's now too cold out to walk outside with them.
I guess that's enough for one post. I hope someone reads this!
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